Me Talk Pretty To Dave...

David Sedaris & Renee Gold

When the local book store ran a contest to win a chance to meet my writing Idol, David Sedaris, I set my sights on winning. Mr. Sedaris has gained an international audience for his top selling books and collections of stories such as Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Me Talk Pretty One Day and Naked. His books (seven million in print) are little barriers to bad karma. When you hold them all you do is laugh.

I started my crusade to nab the coveted prize by going to church to pray I would win, and brought my favorite pen (the one I would fill the entry form with) into the pew. Then I had Aunty and all her good energy chant over the entry box. I did too. We almost got thrown out of the store. I officially entered the contest on a Wednesday, the day Dave was born. Since I believed I would win, I was not too surprised when I did. The event was going to be held on my birthday, May 3rd.

For the next few weeks I envisioned hanging out with Dave. We really have a lot in common. Maybe he would offer to refer me to his Agent when he found out I have been paying my own writing dues for years and have a sparkling manuscript to boot. Having lived in Manhattan myself, I could sense the camaraderie and laughter as we swapped New York Stories. And, surely he would want to meet Ageless Aunty… everybody does.

At the party Aunty and I traipsed around enjoying lots of fancy appetizers (some of which aunty put in her purse). We sipped champagne celebrating my birthday and good fortune. It was all to raise money for a charity called Helping Hands (www.monkeyhelpers.org/) a creative organization providing trained monkey’s to help the lives of people who can not use their arms or legs. Everything was exceptional as I had expected.

What was so surprising was Dave’s reaction. I had imagined us sitting in a corner talking shop. But, Mr. Sedaris did not want anything to do with me. He seemed to sense my hunger for wanting to get published and stayed clear away. I tried to sneak up behind him, but someone always started talking to me, or complementing Aunty on her boa and high-heels. As I watch Mr. Sedaris mingle with the organizers and a few guests, but never looking my way, I knew I only had a certain amount of time before my chances would be gone for good. So, with a waiter hiding behind a plant, I just screamed out… ‘Dave, Aunty wants to meet you!” I mean come on, look at all those pictures of Ageless Aunty… She is irresistible. By golly, it worked. Dave looked up, I stood beside him, and to complete the coup, the waiter jumped out of the faux bush and snapped a photo of me with Dave. You can see it above. There is even a hint of a smile on the author’s face.

What a token of good luck to have a picture of me with the Rock Star of the Publishing World right on my desk. Every day there I am with Dave Sedaris! The image of the two of us framed forever and attached to a small typewriter….All because I willed it into being and clearly envisioned it. Next time we meet, I will be published too, and the mega-star will talk to me. “Maybe he will want a picture with you,” Aunty suggests. I see that too, which certainly makes it a possibility…